they mean well...

My parents, that is. This morning, I either slept through my alarm or snoozed it to death... I was woken by the postman. A package had been sent from the area of cow-country that my parents retired to. They had sent me a package of cookies (yes, another one... did I mention the family history of diabetes) and a calendar.

Both of these items had, I suspect, orginated from a "farm shop" that my parents frequent. I'm sure some of the items they sell are indeed local produce. I have a feeling many more are manufactured on industrial estates in Essex, and just packaged to give them a nice homely feel, thus creating the illusion that they are not filled with artificial preservatives and the like. My parents call me cynical...

On to the calendar. What is it with the current, overdone trend for naked people in calendars?? It may have been a novelty when the Womens' Institute did it. And naked firemen are fine... really fine! Even my former student friend Sean got his kit off for a good cause. This calendar, however, contains pictures of naked farmers. And it may just do more to harm the British farm industry than the effects of BSE and foot & mouth combined.

Here is Exhibit A:

.

And they say that many farmers are struggling to find a wife. I can't understand why that could be...

Exhibit B:

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It looks like this guy has given up on the woman search, and taken to pleasuring himself with milking equipment in some bizarre countryside kinky sex practice. Things have to be pretty odd before I think them kinky. There is a dairy farm by the exit of the estate on which my parents live. I'll never view it the same way again! And if I see the above pictured freak there, the speed limit'll go straight out the bloody window.

Exhibit C:

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The fact that his father could find a wife should give hope to all. And doesn't the floppy, wrinkly cabbage just entice you to ponder what wonders lie underneath?

I know. It's personality that counts.

Exhibit D:

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Better looking. But he's naked, and he has his hand around its throat. I think for that poor little lamb, a nice warm oven and mint sauce is going to be sweet relief.

I just wonder about the protein content of the meal...

Anyway, enough of my bitching.

Back to work :-(